How To Manage Conflict With Your Close Friends Part 1

Paul and Barnabas were close friends

Barnabas helped Paul start in the ministry

They served the Lord together on Paul’s first Mission trip Acts 13-14

At the start of Paul’s 2^nd Mission trip they had a big fight! Acts 15: 36-41

Barnabas wanted to take John Mark with them

Paul did not, (because John Mark had deserted them on Paul’s first Mission trip Acts 13: 13)

Was Paul right in not wanting to take John Mark with them?

Was Barnabas right in wanting to take John Mark with them?

Can you imagine the argument? – “I’m right”! – “No, I’m right”

Why do we have conflict withclose friends?

Because we like to think we are right and the other person is wrong!

Here’s how to manage conflict

1/ Understand personality differences

Why did Paul think he was right – because he ‘saw’ John Mark as a failure

Why did Barnabas think he was right – because he ‘saw’ John Mark, not as a failure but as a ‘work in progress’

We all ‘see’ things – look at life, differently and are convinced that we are right

If the other person does not ‘see’ things the same as us, we think they are wrong = Conflict!!!

How we ‘see’ things – how we look at life, is determined by our personality

Here’s a simple personality test – fill in the gap in the sentence (without looking at the options following): “Let’s do this….way”

– “Let’s do this my way”

Strengths: Leadership, strong willed, outspoken

Weakness: stubborn & uncompromising

This is the Apostle Paul’s personality

– “Let’s do this the right way”

Strengths: Loyal, orderly, thorough

Weakness: critical & disapproving

This is Barnabas’s personality

Can you now see why Paul and Barnabas had a fight!

– “Let’s do this the fun way”

Strengths: Sociable, playful, optimistic

Weakness: disorderly &undisciplined

– “Let’s do this the easy way”

Strengths: Friendly, peaceful, compliant

Weakness: hesitant & indecisive

Here’s how you manage conflict:

Understand your own personality and the personality of your close friend

Don’t allow your differences to push you apart, allow you similarities to bring you closer to each other!

Do this and you will be a better friend

 

 

 

As Believers, should we have unbelieving Friends? Part 2

Last week we learned that the influence of our unbelieving friends can bring great loss into our lives

Judges 13 – 16 Samson

Lost…the presence of God

Lost…his great strength

Lost…his eyesight

Lost…his freedom

Lost…his life

Example: The same thing happened to some Christian Friends of mine (All details are removed from this post to protect their identity)

What a tragedy, what a loss!

What went wrong?

They rejected Christian influence and became influenced by unbelieving friends

Just like Samson: Judges 14: 1-3

Some Christians are just like Samson in another way too, they only repent after they suffer great loss

Judges 16: 28 ‘O Sovereign Lord, remember me’.

Consider this…

1 Corinthians 15:33-34 ‘Do not be misled, “Bad friends will ruin good character.” Come back to your senses as you should, and stop sinning’;

2 Corinthians 6: 14 ‘You are not the same as those who don’t believe. So don’t join yourselves to them. Good and evil don’t belong together. Light and darkness cannot share the same room’.

Colossians 3: 5-7 ‘So, put everything evil out of your life: sexual sin, doing anything immoral, letting sinful thoughts control you, and wanting things that are wrong. And don’t keep wanting more and more for yourself, which is the same as worshiping a false god. God will show his anger against those who don’t obey him, because they do these evil things. You also did these things in the past, when you lived like them’.

Did Jesus have unbelieving friends?

Yes! Matthew 11:19 ‘…a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’

Why?

To influence them for God

Do you think they influenced Him away from God?

No!!!!

As Believers, should we have unbelieving Friends?

If they are influencing you away from God = no

If you are influencing them to God = yes